My fiancé told me he won’t let me be around out two month old alone anymore. He thinks I’m going to kill our baby. How crazy is that? I have been feeling sad and tired all the time, and yes, of course I get frustrated. But I’ve never hurt him, I would never hurt him. The thought of hurting him has NEVER even CROSSED my mind! I said I don’t like to be around him alone. I said I get stressed out and I don’t want to feed him or change him and things like that, but I do because I have to. It’s not always like that. I love my baby more than anything in the entire world, just because I don’t enjoy him screaming in the middle of the night doesn’t mean that I don’t love him more than myself, just because I get frustrate certainly doesn’t mean I would ever hurt my baby. I thought when someone told people about the way they were feeling…. that they should be welcomed with understanding, and caring. At when I first said these things he was, but then he left for the weekend, taking our son. He came back and blew up on me like I’m all a sudden a baby killer, and that I need medication. I over exaggerated on the things I said. No, I don’t love always 100% of the time being around him, I want Jaden time, too. Call me selfish, I know. But I can handle being around my baby. I would die for this kid, he’s the single most important thing in my life. But because I shared feelings I’m now a psychotic lunatic that needs medication and I’m never allowed to be around my child anymore alone? I don’t know what to say about this.
Its 2:20 am and day two without my fiancé or baby. I should be relaxing, watching HGTV, or cramming our small apartment with more junk, right? I just can’t sit still, I’ve been thinking too much about potential robbers, and I have a homemade body wrap on so I’m sweating and uncomfortable. The first time I tried one of these I put Ace wraps on but they kept moving and it was just pointless. So now I’ve just been putting on the lotion mixed with apple cider vinegar, then the Saran Wrap (thick, or it moved everywhere) and trying to go to bed. But I have no love to cuddle up to me, no baby to scream at me to wake up and feed him, and only the breast pump to save me from being engorged. I can’t complain about not being woken up by B, but I keep waking up anyway since I’m so used to it 😦 so I might as well have a reason to be up right?